Dad.

I’m sick and tired of being the child in Germany.
I’m drowning into this endless sea of unfairness. I am not the one making mistakes.
I am not the one to blame, nor a second choice.

All this emotional support, you failed to give to me. All of this, I demand in other ways.
All of these times, I tried to wake you up before school, so many times you’re going to pay.
Because, saying sorry isn’t going to bring my childhood back, realising what you did wrong isn’t going to replace my memories, even if you call me every night on skype- you’re never going to be the father I never had.
If you say I am your daughter and you mean it. Then show it.

I don’t need you in my life- not anymore. I don’t want you reading bed time stories- not anymore. I don’t need you saying you love me – you should have said that long time ago.

I am older now, ”dad”. I can speak my brains out. I am not willing to be silent, either forgotten. I am not going to say ”fuck it”, for the shake of my mother.
She’s not supposed to be working for both of you. She shouldn’t be the only one building the stairway to my dreams.

I’m not sorry, nor afraid.
If I am your daughter, like you say I am, I’ll make sure you’ll be aware.

 

I didn’t choose all this. I don’t want it. Make it stop.

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10 thoughts on “Dad.

    1. Well the thing is he does love me, but he has taken me for granted. He destroyed our family, he was never there. He decided after years to make another family and he suddenly became a “great” father. But I, I had to leave my country for a better future, cause he didnt really care about my needs…. And when I tell him I am hurt he says “its not my fault”.
      I explain the situation better in a post “parents sin, children suffer” ๐Ÿ™‚

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  1. Harsh but important and brave words. I can hardly think of any reason for which a man may leave his family behind. In some cases, amends cannot be made, regardless of how bad someoneโ€™s conscience may be.
    I am in awe with regard to how strong and self-confident you have become, despite or perhaps even because of all that has happened to you.
    Stay strong! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much ๐Ÿ™‚ I partly grateful, because otherwise I wouldn’t be who I am today. Situations like this change a person. We become stronger, open-minded, we can understand other people perfectly and personally I believe I now know how to be a good mother (in the future of course).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I have no doubt in your abilities as a mother or other social skills. In sum, it remains trivial (albeit not necessarily unimportant) to say that without oneโ€™s experience, one would not be who I am, because it amounts to simply stating that if that which has happened would not have happened, then that which has happened would not have happened. To put it more simply, if A were not A, then A would not be A.
        I am going to take my liberties borrowing a hashtag from Twitter again: #ShitPhilosophersSay

        Liked by 1 person

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