I’m sick and tired of being the child in Germany.
I’m drowning into this endless sea of unfairness. I am not the one making mistakes.
I am not the one to blame, nor a second choice.
All this emotional support, you failed to give to me. All of this, I demand in other ways.
All of these times, I tried to wake you up before school, so many times you’re going to pay.
Because, saying sorry isn’t going to bring my childhood back, realising what you did wrong isn’t going to replace my memories, even if you call me every night on skype- you’re never going to be the father I never had.
If you say I am your daughter and you mean it. Then show it.
I don’t need you in my life- not anymore. I don’t want you reading bed time stories- not anymore. I don’t need you saying you love me – you should have said that long time ago.
I am older now, ”dad”. I can speak my brains out. I am not willing to be silent, either forgotten. I am not going to say ”fuck it”, for the shake of my mother.
She’s not supposed to be working for both of you. She shouldn’t be the only one building the stairway to my dreams.
I’m not sorry, nor afraid.
If I am your daughter, like you say I am, I’ll make sure you’ll be aware.
I didn’t choose all this. I don’t want it. Make it stop.