Parents sin, children suffer.

Coming from an ancient Greek quotation ”Αμαρτίαι γονέων παιδεύουσι τέκνα”, with a deeper meaning than some of you might think.
Parents sin, children suffer.
This sentence rules my life since I was a kid. Alcohol, violence, lies, secrets… All of these made me who I am today and it feels as if it’s never going to stop.

I’ve been keeping so many things inside of me for years, trying to keep a balance in our father-daughter relationship. ”That’s fine” was my answer to all he’s put me through.
”Did I hurt you? Do you hate me? Am I a bad father?” One of the worst, you are the reason I can’t trust people, the reason I never got to have a male role model in my life, the reason I keep allowing shitty people like you entering my life but ”no, you just had other priorities – I got used to it”.

You are the reason I cried on holidays, the reason I hated men, the reason why I’ve always been the poor daughter of this asshole that sleeps in the car because he isn’t able to walk anymore after so much booze.
You are the problem hidden somewhere in my subconscious keeping me back, making me cry every time I see happy families.The reason I’m afraid of making my own family – I don’t want somebody that would destroy my kid’s life, as much as you destroyed mine. You are a part of who I am, selfish.

I’m the girl that only had a mother on her side, that had an attitude and nobody liked it. That girl that stayed by your side after all – accepting the beast and understanding your pain. The forgotten kid, always in trouble. That dreams big. That’s full of fears. I’m lonely.
The piece ”family” in my life remained incomplete – you stole it.
This kid of yours, that grew up way too fast -trying to understand.

I’m your daughter. I am proud. And that person in your life trying to hurt you, will have to face me – very soon.

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6 thoughts on “Parents sin, children suffer.

  1. While I appreciate your anger and am sure that it’s justified, I have a question or two for you. What can you do to learn from your father? Has the pain he has inflicted on you helped you become a more compassionate person?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a good question, well two, I started learning from my father after I started seeing the whole situation from a third perspective. I had to talk with him many times, as if I was somebody else- maybe this means I shut my emotional connection off and I am still trying to keep it this way after all that has happened. What He’s taught me is that nothing should be so important to you that could take everything else away (for example his alcohol addiction), I’ve learned to control myself when it comes to temptations. I strongly believe that I am going to be a great mother one day, with or without a partner and I will try to provide everything thats essential to my kid. Something that he never did. I’ve also learned how to see deeper in someones actions, not only whats on the surface. I became a strong, independent woman. That can forgive but will never forget. I am partly grateful about that.

      Liked by 2 people

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