If I was his age.

I looked at him.
Innocent, creative, fearless…
He’s only 8 years old, he has so much time left to plan his future life, he can focus on school or find his secret talent, he can do so many things…

Why didn’t I do this when I was his age?
Why have I always been the student that jokes around?
Why am I staring at the rest of them, knowing nothing?

Yes, I know nothing!
I am not good in math, I don’t know much neither about Neutron, nor about molecules and I am not interested in world history.
No one told me, it’s such a bad thing to be creative.

Everyone around me has a plan,
EVERYONE but me.
My plans are based on hopes and dreams, not certificates and studies.

”Your German is great but the essay isn’t that good because of some mistakes, I don’t have anything against you Nina” said my teacher today.
”Well, I have something against me” I am the one that thought school is unimportant, I am the one that studied one hour before every test, it’s my own fault bringing myself in this position…

For the first time in my life I felt stupid.
More stupid than all of those that really are stupid.
Because the stupid ones, actually found logic in studying.
And I, the clever one, didn’t.

”Don’t give up so early”
But I don’t have the power to fight for something that just isn’t meant to be.
School isn’t a part of who I am.

”You are very intelligent, but you don’t need this kind of intelligence to finish school”.
And what if I don’t finish it, will the world see me as intelligent then?
Will I be able to call it a ”life” without depending on my mother?
Will I ever be, what I’ve always known I was?

Oh, how I wish I’ve known all of this when I was his age…

 

 

 

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