Depression.

You know this moment that you just aren’t enough…
That YOU don’t feel enough,
when you wish there was an exit door leading to happiness.
In a place like this you don’t have to think, you don’t have to eat, you could be whoever the fuck you wanted and no one would ever try to hurt you.
Well this place doesn’t exist… you know it!
So the only thing you have left to do, is to crawl back under the covers, switch all the lights off and pretend you are asleep.
Imagine how embarrassing it would be if someone came in your room and saw you like this…. What would you say?
”Oh, it was a bit cold” in June, good try but you don’t know how to lie,
”No, no I mean I have a headache” stop it you’re making it worse…
You just can’t admit you are so sad all the time without a specific reason, and it makes you want to keep yourself away from everything and everyone.
You want to be alone. Why doesn’t anybody understand it?
And then you realise, ”oh, I can go with an empty stomach for a day- that’s impressing” even though you didn’t mean to skip meals, you simply forgot it.
You forgot to eat… what’s coming up next?
Skipping showers? Missing school? What?
You don’t want all of this to happen, you still want to be the cute girl with the smile up on her face, walking in the hallway, you just aren’t motivated enough.
-Welcome to depression-

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Depression.

  1. Wow. I know this post all too well. As for what to say when someone catches you, I don’t know. After I got caught a couple times I moved my blankets and pillows to my closet. I am glad those days are gone; at least for now. It gets better and I have learned. Taking everything a step at a time.

    Like

    1. I am “glad” someone understands the way i feel, i get the feeling of disappearing way to often and nobody understands the reason i am all weird, unmotivated and unfriendly.
      Sometimes these feelings though seem familiar and without realising it, i enjoy their existance was it like this by you too?

      Like

      1. Oh yes. Just yesterday I told someone that I “miss” my depression. I had to look it up because I know it is not right. I have had depression for about 11 years and didn’t get help until last year. After researching online I found that I just miss the familiarity of my depression. It is all I had known for years. So maybe that is happening to you too. Maybe it is just because this is what you have known for a while. Change, even for the better, is scary.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I love the way you write! I only tried to get help once but i stopped after 3 sessions, I guess it made me feel a bit uncomfortable talking about my emotions to this cold woman. I really think I should seek for a better psychologist now, because after all I’ve been going through the last few months i kind of start losing my mentality 🙃

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Than you! And yes, go find someone else to talk to. The guy I first saw was horrible. He was always late (which literally made me sick), and he would just stare at me once I was done talking. However, he did make me start telling other people, people I love and am close to, about my problems. That has been the best thing for me. What is good for one person might not be what you need though. So I would try looking again. Just remember you are not alone.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. This woman i was talking to was asking the whole time questions, even though i am open about my personal life and i dont mind sharing details it kind of pissed me off and then she wanted to start a new project with me, i would have to draw everytime whatever is in my head and then we would discuss this, but this is so not-my-thing…

        Like

      5. Yep. Like I said people find help in different ways. Don’t give up on finding yours! Our conversation actually inspired me to write about my depression on my blog. I feel like I am still trying to find myself, like I was delayed in doing so when I was younger. I wonder if it’s a normal feeling or if it effects people like us a little harder than most?

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I actually try to see the real me since a few months as well.
        I’ve always been the one that changed for others, or always tried to belong somewhere etc.
        i had phobias when i was alone.
        I never went shopping alone, never traveled alone, never ordered a damned pizza cause i was afraid of saying something wrong on the phone.
        Right now I am trying to put my life in an order.
        I stopped consuming substances cause obviously it didnt help with my depression,I try to give up smoking too, I try to be independent and all that.
        I actually start loving myself and i think that’s important!

        Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s