For my mother (part two)

The answer to my question came only after I lost faith.
I started believing it’s meant to be this way. I am supposed to spend the rest of my time in this city alone.
Maybe that’s right, but in the other hand I took a look to my life before.
So many parties full of alcohol, drugs, sex… Is this where I want to see myself in 10 years from now? Is this who I really am?
Well according to this voice in my head, I deserve so much better than this…
I’m a thoughtful woman, that would love to change the world. I am passionate, unbelievably sexual and in addition WAY TOO ROMANTIC.
”I don’t want to end up having a list of the people I’ve fucked with” was my excuse for not getting caught up in the ”moment”.
Although after I broke up with my ex boyfriend, I kind of lost control and i didn’t even feel guilty about it.
My habits became even worse after that, I smoked more, I drunk more, I made out with someone in every party…
I have to say it was kind of exhausting after some time.
I felt empty, my relationships with people felt shallow, the image of my future started changing. I wanted more and more.
And here I am today. Trying to put myself all together.
No more crazy parties, no more one night stands and mostly no more drugs.
I’ve been feeling so proud of me lately. I managed to get over my fear of loneliness and i have to say I am not wasting my time… not this time!
One lesson I’ve learned from experience is ”in our lives we attract people like us, situations that change us and things that would come to us handy”.
In my situation this time I took the time to change the person I became, blaming it on my past, realised who I am supposed to become and i am ready to attract all of the amazing people out there that maybe go through this too.
But I shouldn’t forget one last thing.
Without this woman, my mother, none of this would have happen.
Thank you mum.

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